Mary is recovering from breaking-up with her boyfriend of two years.  After they moved in together, Mary discovered he had a drinking problem.  After enduring his verbal attacks and bad behavior for over a year.  Mary had enough.  She moved him out of her house.

Mary assures me that she's not looking for a date and not looking for a man.  I reassured her that sooner or later she would get lonely or her hormones would kick in and all her resolve about staying away from men would disappear.  Here is the first bit of advice that I give single women about dating, "The guy has to have a job and a clue."  You might find a lot of men with a job but very few of them have a clue."  If I have to explain what a "clue" is then you're not a woman.

Where would you go to find a man?  

The way I explained it to Mary is this.  If you're looking for a thoroughbred horse, don't go a pig sty because all you'll find are pigs.  There are lots of other places to meet someone besides a bar.  Joining clubs, taking classes, and networking are all ways to be around like minded people.

Another thing that happens with women is that they settle for what they can get rather than waiting for what they want.  Most of us don't even know what we want.  The only thing we're sure of is that we want to be wanted.  And, we're always sure of what we don't want after we get it.  Write it down on paper.

On my first list, I wrote:

Must be kind, on a spiritual path, like good food, bad movies, classical movies and me.  Athletic.  Non-violent.  Tall with dark hair.

The next man in my life had all those qualities.  He died in his early forties.  I added to my list - must be healthy and strong.

Are you settling for what you can get?  Are you looking for love in all the wrong places?
 
Pig photo by BlueKDesign on Flickr.com.

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It usually takes about 30 days to change a habit. Not because you need 30 days. You could do it in 68 seconds if you could once you did it hold your vibration there, but you have to consciously make that decision.

--- Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in Napa, CA on Sunday, March 2nd, 1997 #278

This morning I read an article on The Huffington Post,  When Women Hate Their Bodies, Men Suffer Too, by Susan Harrow, author of How to Sell Yourself Without Selling Your Soul, that prompted this post.  Susan told the story of Tawnya who even after 30 years of marriage suffered from such a poor body image that she became unreasonably jealous every time her husband looked a another woman.  She had breast implants even though her husband loved her body the way it was.

In my experience as a life coach and massage therapist, I've learned that the reality of a woman's physical appearance is never as strong as a negative mental image. Like the article says, a woman's body image is constructed from past experiences and self-talk.  In my experience it also comes from comparisons with an ideal set long ago by Barbie or beauty magazines.

Years ago a woman came to me for bodywork.  She had a beautiful body by anyone's standards.  During the session, she opened up and confessed how ashamed she was of her body.  She was so ashamed that she never let her husband see her naked.  It didn't matter how she looked in the mirror because in her mind all she saw was ugliness.  Her husband could not compliment her enough to heal that insecurity.

When I was about nine years old, my brother-in-law told me I was built like a linebacker.  I grew up in the rural mid-west playing with Barbie dolls.  Marcia Brady was the girl to be. My body image was horrible!  I was Asian.  My hair color was wrong.  My eye color was wrong.  My breasts were too small and my legs were too short!

In my late teens I used to fast to try to lose weight for my ballet instructor.  Cheryl Tiegs was the hot model of the day.  It was before Asians were in beauty magazines or the media.  The only thing that saved me from an eating disorder was my love of food and becoming a gourmet cook.  Even so I hated my body.

Every time someone called me "tiny" or "petite", the image of a linebacker would pop into my mind, the negative image planted by a teasing comment in my childhood. I would not accept and love my body until I was in my early forties. 

The first step to overcome my negative body image was awareness.  I became aware that it was there and where it came from.  I began talking about it and listening to how others recovered from the same problem.  Slowly, I began turning my perspective on my body.

What finally saved me was soccer. 

At forty years old, I began playing in an adult recreational soccer league.  After only a year or so of playing, a man approached me after a game.  He actually invited me to play on a team with him.  As I drove away from that game, I was thrilled and grateful just to be wanted!  In the middle of that state of gratitude, it came to me that my body was perfect for soccer - small breasts, strong legs perfect for sprinting, and a low center of gravity.

Oh, and I stopped reading beauty magazines.

How does your mental image effect your body image?  Does it effect your relationship with your spouse or boyfriend?  Do you have a story about how you changed your perception?

Photo by MCSimon on Flickr.com.

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 As you look for a better-feeling way to approach whatever you are giving your attention to; as you continue to ask yourself, from your ever-changing vantage point, "What is it that I dodo want without your point of attraction beginning to pivot in that direction. . . . The process will be gradual, but your continued application of the process will yield wonderful results in only a few days. want?" eventually you will be standing in a very pleasing place—for you cannot continually ask yourself what it is that you

--- Abraham

Excerpted from the book "Money and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Health, Wealth and Happiness" #270

How many times do you have to hear it? If you want to feel better in mentally, emotionally and physically -  MOVE IT!  MOVE IT!  MOVE IT!  EXERCISE!

Today, one more article appeared suggesting that said, "Mounting evidence suggests exercise is among the best medicine for pain, providing your doctor thinks it is right for you." LiveScience Topics:  Pain.  While waiting for a doctor's appointment I watched a video by Accent Health that talked about reducing pain from fibromyalgia with an exercise bootcamp.  Combine this with the body of research beginning to show that exercise is beneficial for preventing and coping with cancer and it may be time for you to GET MOVING!.

Not all my clients choose the same type of exercise.  Joining a gym isn't for everyone.  For those clients there are other options like dancing, tai chi, walking, swimming, yoga, team sports, yard work . . . anything that allows your body to do what it was meant to do - MOVE.

How many message from the Universe do you have to receive before taking action?  My number is three.  It usually take three times for me to take the bait and take action.  I used to say I was a slow learner but that was a lie. The truth is that I'm stubborn.

I've received three Cosmic Postcards about Aikido.  It's time to take action.

Message No. 1

Several week ago my friend, Vickie Gray, the Adaptive Coach, started taking Aikido.  Her tweets on Twitter and her posts on Facebook are reflective of not only the strengthening of her body but of her mind and spirit as a result of practicing a martial art.

Message No. 2

While researching a topic for a workshop on the Karpman Drama Triangle (also because of Vickie), I ran across another website, Martial Development, that offered a solution for breaking the drama triangle by making an analogy with Aikido.  It suggests moving into the center of the drama triangle and maintaining sensitivity, compassion and responsibility until the attacker halts the attack.

Message No. 3

An article on Psychology Today by Susan Harrow, an author and media/PR consultant, Calligraphy, Aikido and Kotoama:  How our bodies reveal themselves in art, sport and chant, was on my Google reader this morning.  Susan says:

The phrase, "How you do anything is how you do everything" has truth to it. When you put yourself out in the world and connect with others everything shows up: whether you're doing calligraphy, cutting a flower, speaking to your children, or handling yourself on-camera, we see who you are.

See the connectedness?  The first Sunday of ever month, Aikido School of Central Ohio, has a free introductory class.  Guess where I'll be on the first Sunday in December?

Have you received any Cosmic Postcards recently urging you to take action?  What were they?  What did you do?  What's holding you back?

You see, you're giving others too much power as you even acknowledge how they make you feel. What you've got to decide is how I'm going to feel. We would go to a Virtual Reality and we would practice feeling good. Manifestations come on the heels of what you've conjured in thought

--- Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in North Los Angeles, CA on Saturday, March 2nd, 2002 #265

Are you looking for the secret to success?   Here is an excerpt of an article on www.psychologytoday.com.   It is a very simple model for success in coping with any challenging situation.

"With goal setting the recruits were taught to set goals in extremely short chunks. For instance, one former Navy Seal discussed how he set goals such as making it to lunch, then dinner. With mental rehearsal they were taught to visualize themselves succeeding in their activities and going through the motions. As far as self talk is concerned, the experts in The Brain documentary made the claim that we say 300 to 1000 words to ourselves a minute. By instructing the recruits to speak positively to themselves they could learn how to "override fears" resulting from the amygdala, a primal part of the brain that helps us deal with anxiety. And finally, with arousal control the recruits were taught how to breathe to help mitigate the crippling emotions and fears that some of their tasks encouraged." (How Navy Seals Increased Passing Rates, Bakari, Akil, II, PhD, Nov. 9, 2009, Psychology Today.)

By using this simple process, the Navy Seals increased their passing rates from 25% to 33%! Add the dynamics of life recovery coaching - encouragement, validation, acknowledgment, accountability, & energy processes and you're sure to succeed!
 
The other day a young woman called complaining of feeling stressed-out.  After she explained the situations she thought were stressing her, we explored which of those situations really effected her. (They were obviously effecting her mental and emotional states.)  It turned out there was only one change to which she had to respond. 

When asked what she wanted, she said she just wanted to feel calmer, not so anxious.  We started to look at what was next (setting small achievable goals).  The next thing to do was drive home.  I asked if that was achievable.  The answer was “yes”.  What was next?  Eat a snack.  What will you eat?  An apple.  Can you see yourself going to the refrigerator, reaching in for an apple, and eating it?  Yes.  Is that achievable?  Yes.  Within moments the young woman was feeling calmer by setting simple goals that were easily achievable.

• How have you felt overwhelmed by looking to far into the future?
• How can you set achievable goals?
• What’s next?
• Is it achievable?

Photo by LarryZou@ on Flickr.com.

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Last night I had an interesting conversation with a woman in Seattle.  When she learned what I do and that I live in Ohio, she said, "I wish you weren't so far away!"

"It is done by phone,"  I replied.

"How can that work?!" 


The human voice is a powerful tool. We can cut someone to shreds emotionally or we can soothe and heal with our tone of voice.  I've been blessed with a voice that has been called hypnotic.  You wouldn't believe how many women I have talked out of hysteria into a calmer, more peaceful place.  


Intuition and empathy are not constrained by time and space. I can "feel" a client's energy through the phone, in person, and sometimes from a photo, it's almost as if there is an instant download to me of what's going on with that person.  From there, very little of what is said or what happens in the session has to do with me.  Sometimes words come out of my mouth and I thought, "where did that come from?"  

Logistically you will have a scheduled appointment once a week for phone call just like you would if we were meeting in person.  The call ranges from 50 - 60 minutes.  That may sound like a long time to be on the telephone but you would be surprised how quickly the time goes.  You're also welcome to call at other times when you urgently need support and encouragement.  You'll receive a secure personal web page with videos, quotes, music, tools or other resources to help you toward your goals.

Still don't believe coaching by phone is effective?  Email me at pixie@enigmawellness.com or call 614-920-4909 to experience it yourself.

Photo by Darwin Bell on Flickr.com.

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A happy life is just a string of happy moments. But most people don't allow the happy moment, because they're so busy trying to get a happy life.

--- Abraham