Dear Customer Service Rep:
Yes, you can have my account number and my name.
I'm sorry. What was your name again. You were talking so fast, I didn't catch it.
Yes, you can help me. As soon as you take a deep breath or pause in your pitch, I'll let you know what I need.
No, I don't need all that auxiliary information. I have already taken those steps. If you STOP TALKING long enough to let me tell you what I need, you can help me.
What do I need to do now?
Yes, I understand what you just said but what do you need from me?
What's my next step?
Do you need anything else from me?
I repeat: Do you need anything else from me?
I'm sorry, perhaps you didn't hear me the first time because YOU ARE NOT LISTENING: what do I need to do next? Not 14 days from now. Not six months from now. RIGHT NOW! WHAT DO I NEED TO DO?
No, customer service rep, you can't help me any further. You have helped me more than I can bear. Have a nice day.
Photo by Desiree Delgado on Flickr.com.