Mary is recovering from breaking-up with her boyfriend of two years. After they moved in together, Mary discovered he had a drinking problem. After enduring his verbal attacks and bad behavior for over a year. Mary had enough. She moved him out of her house.
Mary assures me that she's not looking for a date and not looking for a man. I reassured her that sooner or later she would get lonely or her hormones would kick in and all her resolve about staying away from men would disappear. Here is the first bit of advice that I give single women about dating, "
The guy has to have a job and a clue." You might find a lot of men with a job but very few of them have a clue." If I have to explain what a "clue" is then you're not a woman.
Where would you go to find a man?
The way I explained it to Mary is this. If you're looking for a thoroughbred horse, don't go a pig sty because all you'll find are pigs. There are lots of other places to meet someone besides a bar. Joining clubs, taking classes, and networking are all ways to be around like minded people.
Another thing that happens with women is that they settle for what they can get rather than waiting for what they want. Most of us don't even know what we want. The only thing we're sure of is that we want to be wanted. And, we're always sure of what we don't want after we get it. Write it down on paper.
On my first list, I wrote:
Must be kind, on a spiritual path, like good food, bad movies, classical movies and me. Athletic. Non-violent. Tall with dark hair.
The next man in my life had all those qualities. He died in his early forties. I added to my list -
must be healthy and strong.
Are you settling for what you can get? Are you looking for love in all the wrong places?
Pig photo by BlueKDesign on Flickr.com.
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