Originally published July 2009.

In the book,  Relationships & the Law of Attraction, by Abraham-Hicks publications, it said, “ We attract relationships that cause us pain because we need to affirm our core beliefs about ourselves and we attract the relationships we need to help us grow.”  But what does it mean when we experience pain in a seemingly healthy, loving relationship?  It is within that relationship where we are safe and unconditionally loved that we often experience the most pain as we try to re-enact an old pattern, heal a deeper wound, and begin to mature emotionally.  That relationship becomes the greenhouse that allows our soul to bloom.

It’s safe to be alone and work on ourselves.  We can totally focus on our own personal development and self-growth.  We might feel intermittent loneliness but any deep underlying insecurities may not arise.  Any defenses and old patterns of behavior go into remission because we aren’t triggered by another person.  

 If we do grow, chances are that we will become very attractive.  There’s nothing more attractive than a woman who exudes self-confidence, well-being, and a beauty that can only come from within.  If we’ve progressed very far, we’ll attract a safer, more loving relationship than the last one.  

Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom.  ~Marcel Proust

Photo courtesy of Olga from Flickr.com

In 2005, the movie, The Secret, introduced everyone to the Law of Attraction in a very big way.  When I first saw The Secret, I laughed out loud.  Rhonda Byrne had packaged age old spiritual/energetic principles in an entertaining and attractive package.  But why hasn't the Law of Attraction worked for everyone?  More importantly, if you're using the affirmations, creating your vision board, and trying to create your life, why isn't it working for you?

A few moments of positive daily affirmations will not work when the core message we  send out into the Universe is filled with negativity and contradiction.  The deep inner changes needed to create the life we desire don't happen as a result of carefully applying make-up.  They must come from a place deeper within us.

Joe Nunziata in his book Spiritual Selling begins addressing the blocks we have to abundance and prosperity at a deeper level.  Joe correlates chakra healing with creating the life you want.  Louise Hay in her book, You Can Heal Your Life, gives wonderful suggestions about how to uncover and heal the old thought patterns that block your success.

In my experience, the message of attraction that we send out into the Universe comes from a place so deep within that we may be totally unaware of it.  Most, if not all, of my beliefs came from my adopted mother.  She was born in 1911.  She lived through the depression and lived with depression all of her life from unresolved issues related to being raised by an alcoholic father.  Her beliefs about money were passed on to me at a very young age and became embedded in my subconscious.

What did I learn about money as a child:

• It's easier for a camel to enter the eye of the needle than a rich man to get into heaven.  (Rich people don't get into heaven).
• Rich people are fake.
• The pursuit of money is a sin.
• Money doesn't grow on trees.
• We're poor but good.
• Poverty equals humility.

It wasn't until I was well into my forties that those beliefs radically changed!

By my early forties, I had been introduced to Louise Hay and the Law of Attraction.  Still my financial situation wasn't changing.  I had lived all my life struggling financially.  Every time I accumulated a little money, it would disappear as fast as it came.  When I was single mom raising three children on a shoe-string budget, I received $25.00 in the mail from an anonymous friend.  That very same day, I received notice that my checking account was overdrawn and it took exactly $25.00 to correct the error.  Why?  Because I didn't believe I deserved it.  Money always scared me so badly that I could never receive it!

The radical change came years later after I had been searching spiritually for a number of years and was attending a group of like-minded people on a regular basis.  At every meeting an older member named Jake would lower his voice and softly make a comment reflecting wisdom and spirituality.  After one particular meeting of this group, a young man commented that Jake was such a humble person.  Jake lived in a simple apartment on an alley.  He made a living in a dry cleaning store, making a low salary.

I knew Jake on a more personal level than the young man.  I knew that Jake's financial situation was a consequence of his past.  I had witnessed Jake's humble behavior evaporate when he verbally attacked other people.  At that moment my core belief changed:  poverty did not equal humility!

As a result of this radical change in my core belief system, my financial situation changed.  Within three months I was recruited for a position that increased my income by thirty percent.  For the first time in my life, I had enough money to not only pay my bills but to have cable TV, a cell phone, and buy new couch.  But it wasn't the material benefits that were my true prosperity.  It was freedom from the fear.

Since then I have worked with someone who had a great deal of wealth.  Karen had a great job that paid well.  Even with the recession, she retained a large part of her retirement.  Her spouse, children, grandchildren and friends adored her.  She lived in the home of her dreams.  Even so Karen was plagued by worry and fear of not having enough money.  In spite of watching The Secret, doing affirmations, using Emotional Freedom Technique, and a variety of other methods, Karen became deeply depressed.  The facts of her situation were hidden by her fear of the future.   She could not allow all that she wanted into her life. 

For years Karen would say, "I keep thinking there is something I should be doing."  But she didn't do anything except worry and blame her spouse. 

Karen's worry eventually manifested.  The only action she took was return to self-medicating.  Her spouse left her.  Their home was foreclosed.  She filed bankruptcy.  Even today when discussing the situation with her, Karen's biggest concern is her credit rating.

There is a solution.

You can unearth the core beliefs that keep you from attracting prosperity in all areas of your life.  The first place to start is taking a look at what you learned from your family.

• What is wealth to you?
• What cliche's about money, work, happiness did you absorb from your parents?
• What is your default, zero or thousands, even millions?
• Do you struggle because of a lack of self worth?
• What is the theme of the running commentary in your mind on a daily basis:  not enough or plenty for everyone?
• Where do you physically feel financial fear?  In your gut?  In your head?  On the tops of your shoulders?
• Are you wealthy in other ways?

Once your core beliefs about money and prosperity are unearthed, you can begin to release them.  Releasing these beliefs means being willing to change and doing the work by letting go of the belief at a deeper level of consciousness, practicing gratitude consistently, saying affirmations persistently, and surrounding yourself with loving support of like-minded people.

Photo courtesy of 401K on Flickr.com, Creative Commons License

If you've got somebody's aspects in your experience that you don't like, there's only one reason they're there. You keep evoking them with your attention to them. Without knowing about Law of Attraction, you have -- through your old habit of observation -- achieved vibrational harmony with the parts of them that you do not like, and you keep summoning those parts from them by your constant vibrational offering of them.

--- Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in San Francisco, CA on Saturday, January 1st, 2000 #223

Our Love,
Jerry and Esther

"If you believe that you must work hard in order to deserve the money that comes to you, then money cannot come to you unless you do work hard. Financial success, or any other kind of success, does not require hard work. It does require alignment of thought. You simply cannot offer negative thought about things that you desire and then make up for it with action or hard work. When you learn to direct your own thoughts, you will discover the true leverage of Energy alignment."

--- Abraham

Excerpted from the book "Money and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Health, Wealth and Happiness"

According to the Law of Attraction, the vibrational energy of our core beliefs attracts all relationships and experiences to us.   That vibrational energy is transmitted to the world around us not only through the actions we take but also through our thoughts and feelings.  We literally create our lives through unseen means.  One might ask, if we get to create our lives in the way we want, why would we attract relationships that cause us pain?

We attract relationships that cause us pain because we need to affirm our core beliefs about ourselves and we attract the relationships we need to help us grow. Therefore, a victim must attract a persecutor.  A caretaker must have someone who needs care.  A perfectionist must attract someone who is critical and judgmental.  An insecure person must attract someone who can’t love her, and a person with low self-esteem must attract someone who tells her she’s not good enough.

Repeating patterns in relationships that cause painful emotions are signals to prompt us to look for changes that need to be made within.  Just when we thought we were done with an uncomfortable relationship pattern, it can repeat itself with another person to teach us another lesson and to allow us to heal at a deeper level.

Many times these relationship patterns repeat themselves because we have not completed the learning experience.  We leave the relationship before the lesson is learned.  Whatever we do not heal in one relationship, we carry on to the next one.  We leave with re-opened wounds, old scars, and all our defenses intact.  Those wounds, scars, and defenses are the emotional matrix within which all our relationships develop.  We carry this emotional matrix with us at an unconscious, core level wherever we go.

Awareness is the first key to change. How can we become aware of our emotional matrix? Can we change our core thoughts and feelings to create better relationships?

* * *

No one comes into our lives by accident.  Carolyn Myss, Sacred Contracts

Photo courtesy of Tanakawho from Flickr.com.