Have you ever found yourself in an argument, scrambling to defend yourself?  And then the harder you defend your position, the more ground you lose?  There are three powerful phrases that you can use to counter the attack and diffuse the argument.

OKAY.  Saying "okay" to something is not agreement.  It's not saying, "Yes, you're right, I'm totally inept and should have done what you wanted."  Okay is simply an acknowledgment that you've heard what was said.  If someone continues to argue his position and you continue to say "okay," eventually the energy of the conflict will fizzle out. 

YOU MAY BE RIGHT.  Saying "you may be right" is not agreement either.  The unspoken finish to that sentences is "and you may be wrong."  "You may be right" is just another acknowledgment.  It reminds of a standard answer used in the legal world when answering questions in writing:  "Defendant neither admits or denies the allegations as set forth in the Complaint."

THANKS FOR SHARING THAT WITH ME.  Again, "thanks for sharing that with me" says that you've heard the opinion that the other person has felt compelled to share. 

The key to using any one of these phrases is to repeat them.  Do not go beyond them.  Don't add any extra words.  Looking for an argument is like fishing.  A good fisherman knows the type of fish he wants to catch.  He knows what kind of bait the fish likes to bite on.  He know that if the first bait he throws into the water doesn't work that he can change the bait.  Good fisherman change the bait on the hook until he finds something the fish will bite.  

If you go beyond those simple phrases, you're hooked and you will find yourself being reeled into a conflict that you want to avoid.

Earlier in the week, I spent a few hours with Diane O'Dell of BodyPuzzle in Issaquah, Washington to experience Gyrotonics, a system of fluid movement that creates increased strength and flexibility in the body.

Diane is an excellent teacher.  She demonstrated movements using a Pulley Tower and bench system fitted with weights and pulleys then allowed me to experience them myself.  Diane carefully adjusted my body position and discussed the proper placement and, more importantly, the feel of the movement.

I went through a series of fluid spiral movements with my upper limbs, lower limbs and torso.  Each movement had accompanying breath and eye focus to help with balance and energy.  The movements reminded me of tai chi and yoga.  Diane commented on my "body awareness" because I moved my arms without my shoulders rising to my ears.

Some of the conditions that I could see benefiting from Gyrotonics are:

• joint injuries
• arthritis
• fibromyalgia
• sports injuries
• strengthening
• flexibililty

If you're interested in a gentle, fluid expercise system with personal instruction, contact  Diane@bodypuzzle.com.

I love this. I loved the movie, What the Bleep Do We Know. It excites me to think that I can create my own reality, my life and that I am responsible. It takes me off the victim seat and puts me in the driver's seat of my own life.

Walking a resume into a Starbucks sounds like a simple task but eight months ago it was enough to send me into a full blown panic attack.  My self-esteem was in the shitter.  I didn't drive almost 3,000 miles across country because I felt loved and wanted at home.   In Seattle though, the only thing running me down were the voices in my head.  My only obstacle was me.


I drove across county with the running thoughts of, "My husband doesn't love  My husband doesn't want me."  Even though I was the one who left, my belief was that I was bad.  There is something terribly wrong with me.  No one wants me.


The first day I meant to introduce myself at the local Starbucks, I dressed, grabbed 10 resumes, and got into my car to drive to town.  As I walked out the door, anxiety began silently gnawing at my stomach.  It chewed its way up into my chest until I was so distracted, I ran a red light and almost hit a pedestrian.  Thankfully, I was driving very, very slowly.  The woman in the crosswalk glared at me and hurried across the street.

By the time I parked the car, a full blown panic attack loomed.  I sat in my car for a moment taking deep breaths and reassuring myself that I could go home if I gave out just one resume.


The manager wasn't available at the Starbucks I visited.  I only had to shake hands and chat with a barrista.  The actual meeting was easy.  No one told me to go away.  No one rejected me.  I didn't die.  I was okay but the thought of doing it again overwhelmed me.  I congratulated  myself on having courage in the face of my fear and went home.  My goal for the next day was to do the same thing.

Have you suffered anxiety at the thought of an interview, a face-to-face meeting while job hunting?  How has that fear blocked your success?

• What are you afraid of?  
  
• Can you resize your objectives or goals?
  
• What can you do today?
• What method can you use to ease the physical feeling of fear?
• Where can you find support?
• What thoughts activate the fear?
• What are opposite thoughts?
• Are you applying for a job that you really want?
• Will you love it?
• Do you love or at least respect the products or services?

Photo by Dimitri N on Flickr.com.

In the past 5 years, I submitted dozens and dozens of resumes in an attempt to return to the legal world as a legal assistant.  My motivation was money.  In the three months before I left Ohio, that number increased.  Out of all the applications and resumes, only one call came.  It was a call, not a job offer.


It took me a month or so to settle down emotionally to even begin looking for work after I arrived on the west coast.  The prime motivator was fear.  In a flurry of activity, I spent hours scouring he job sites for the Seattle area, looking for work in an office environment.  I didn't want to return to the legal world, so I applied for any place that was looking for an administrative assistant.  Each ad I answered contained words like - self starter, fast paced, career, motivated, multi-tasking, team player . . . all the lingo associated with finding just the right employee for the position. 

I received some very nice thank you for submitting your application emails but no job offers; not even an invitation to interview.  My anxiety mounted.

And then I stopped.


The truth was that I didn't want to return to an office environment, sitting at a desk all day.  I didn't want a career in an energy corporation; all I wanted was a part-time job to cover my expenses while I was waiting for my Washington state massage therapy license.  I was willing to wait tables, sell coffee, be a cashier, whatever it took on a temporary basis and I  wanted to work with products or services that I loved.  The companies that I loved that would offer part-time jobs was a short list:

• Starbucks
• Whole Foods
• Panera Bread
• White House|Black Market

I immediately applied to those places on-line.  A few days later (at the advice of my son), I printed out some resumes with the intention of showing up in person and introducing myself.   Little did I know how difficult that would be.


If you're job hunting, I invite you to search for your truth about that process by asking yourself a few questions:

• Am I applying for jobs that I want?
• Is my career really what I want to do?
• Is fear my motivating factor?
• Do I believe that jobs are scarce?

What is life coaching really?  What do I do with my clients?

Too many times we feel stuck in our lives; at a point of transition without the momentum to go forward; or, brimming with potential but no idea how to implement it.  Life coaching, with me, is about creating a crack in your consciousness to allow a small shift in perception that opens the door to new possibilities.

When asked what I do, I answer, "I help people recover their personal power during times of change or crisis."  

The truth is I do more than that.  Through intuitive listening, asking the right questions and telling stories, I help my clients create a shift in their energy that gives them a boost toward the direction they want t
to go.  I help them slow down the hamster wheel of circular thinking that keeps them trapped.  I help them get a glimmer of hope they might feel better in their bodies and their hearts, do better in their careers and relationships, and live a more fulfilling and satisfying life.

How do you feel in you body today?  In your job?  In your relationships?  In your life?


Photo by Twenty Questions on Flickr.com

In April 2009 as the plane crossed the Cascade mountain range to land in Seattle, Washington, I was overcome by the beauty of the mountains below me.  My heart swelled up into my throat and tears spilled down my face.  "I don't want to die in Ohio," was the thought that ran through my mind.  Later a friend helped me find clarity on that thought.  When I shared it with her, she said, "You mean you don't want to live in Ohio."

My story is that I came to Seattle drawn by the mountains, the water and the trees.  The attraction of the energy here was too much for me to resist.  That combined with the fact that I was spiritually dying just a little more each day in my situation in Ohio, Seattle is where I wanted to be.  Some say I was running away from something.  I was running to safety.  Little did I know what was to come.


I did not know that there was a large Asian population in Seattle.  As you can see from the graph on the right that Lancaster, Ohio, which is where I spent most of my life has very few minorities, let alone Asians.  Seattle's population, the graph on the left, is 12.1% Asian.  For me that provides the unusual experience of being able to walk down the street and see other faces like mine.
 
The additional gift in this experience is that in working at InSpa at Factoria Mall, I spend five days a week with other Asian women - Vietnamese, Chinese, and most importantly for me, Korean.  One of the nail technicians is Kim.  She was born in Korea and is five years older than I am. 

When Kim heard my story of being adopted from an orphanage in Seoul, raised in Ohio, and miraculously landing in Seattle, she asked, "Have you ever gone back to 'our country?'"  Kim took the time to share her experience and memories of post-war Korea.  She kept saying, "Our country was so poor.  There were no jobs for the men.  No jobs for the women . . . . You really should go back to our country some day."

That is the first time in my life that someone has drawn me in, included me in a race, a nation, a culture.

Kim has also encouraged me to see if I can locate any of my Korean family.  The farthest I've gotten with that is to contact the Holt International to confirm that I was indeed adopted from their orphanage.  Kim told me to listen to the Korean Broadcasting System.  Where families have been reconnected.  She says, "You never know.  Miracles happen all the time."

As my friend, Larry, says, "There's more to be revealed."

Have you had miracles, synchronous events happen in your life that led to the next wonderful thing and the next wonderful thing?


Space Needle photo from Flickr.com.

Forgive me if I write crap.  I've been stuck, stalled, plagued by self-doubt, the voices of a not so distant past and fear of speaking my truth even if my voice shakes.  I'm just going to forge ahead, dishing out crap when that's all I have until I find my voice again.

I'm also returning to what I know best - helping people feel better in mind, body & spirit.  That is not social media marketing.  My interlude into social media marketing came about in the ever changing tap dance of trying to make money and make someone else happy.  I've learned since then that I cannot make anyone happy.  I can only be true to myself.


For days I have been asking for inspiration, wisdom and guidance as divorce papers sit in the red, white & blue priority mail envelope on the table.  It's the only thing I know to do when I don't know what to do.  My saving grace is that I believe in not only asking but also in receiving.  Miracles for me are not huge earth shaking events.  They are subtle signs, symbols, people who come into my life, or Cosmic Postcards that create a shift in my consciousness.


This morning I took Dharma for her morning constitutional.  Carrying around baggies of dog poo is not my favorite thing to do so as we walked back toward our apartment, I stopped at the trash station to throw away a bag.  Sitting beside the dumpster, out in the open was a blue box that said, "Autobiography of a Yogi.  52 Cards & Booklet." 


I'm not normally a trash picker but I opened the box and the first card which read:

Always remember that you belong to no one, and no one belongs to you.  Reflect that some day you will suddenly have to leave everything in this world - so make the acquaintanceship of God now.

The true test of the effectiveness of our meditation is how we walk it out into our lives.

Yesterday, I had the most stimulating conversations with two gentleman about focusing and finding balance in jobs that demanded up to 16 - 20 hours a day.

Each time a 20 hour day was mentioned, I asked, "Does it really take 20 hours a day to do your job?"  At first the answer was always a firm "yes" followed by a litany of rationalizations.  Eventually, we reached, "Well, maybe not.  Maybe not if I could focus my energy more efficiently.  Maybe not if I could stop projecting my energy into the future.  Maybe not if I could become more efficient and effective with my time."

Maybe not. 

Maybe your job doesn't take all the energy and stress you invest in it.  Maybe stress has become your default and you feel more than a little bored and unimportant if you're not busy, busy, busy . . .

For me, morning meditation is the most important time of the day.  It allows me to be in a space of balance - even if just for those few moments.  The effect is that throughout the day, when life throws challenges my way, it's easier to come back to center if I started there in the first place.

When asked,  "How should I meditate?  How should I pray?  I asked, "What were you taught in your childhood?  Do that.  Allow that simple practice to be the starting point from which to expand."

However, meditation and prayer are not rituals to be left on the mat as we charge out the door to conquer the world.  They are tools that we can carry with us into the car, onto the freeway, through the door of the office, into the conference room, onto the plane . . . And very often, we do not pick up those tools until we have lost our temper, our job, our spouse, our balance - until we face a situation of chaos that causes us to yearn for balance one more.

The true test of our meditation is how we take it into the market place of our daily lives.

Photo by H.Kloppdelaney on Flickr.com