Have you ever been gripped by fear and thought all was lost?  Sometimes the Universe just has a way of bringing new experiences into your life to help you learn and grow.

One of the things that I've learned from driving across county with only enough money to get me here and survive for a couple of months is that money is the easiest thing for me to manifest.  What I have done here in a very short period of time, I can do again.  What I have done here is something that I've done before - gone from nothing to something.

It's the fear that gets me.  When I am fearful about money, it's because I'm trying to be vibrationally less than what I've already achieved.  I've walked through too many fires and arose like a Phoenix, stronger, more alive than ever to believe in the fear. 

So like the quote below from Abraham says, it is not the numbers in my checking account, my ledger sheet, or other accounting trivia that the Universe responds to - it is my vibration; the vibration that emanates from my core believe that I am loved, worthy, and that the Creator of All Things knows me personally.

I know now, at this moment, that what I have created here I can create anywhere that I will always be okay; that all is truly well.

Where have you slipped away from your true belief?  Are there times when you have risen like a Phoenix out of the ashes of devastating experience in your life?

You cannot be less than you are now. You cannot achieve a vibration that is less than the vibration that you have achieved. That's why when someone achieves an empire and then something happens where it is lost or destroyed, they still have the vibration that they've achieved, and the empire will come back again—you see it all the time—because it is the vibrational status that the Universe is responding to, not the financial status.

--- Abraham

Excerpted from the workshop in Philadelphia, PA on Wednesday, May 7th, 2003 #658

Photo by Robert Molinarius on Flickr.com

There is a difference between doing something out of love and doing some to be loved.  

When I've taken an action out of love, there are no strings attached.  It's a pure, altruistic act that feels good just in taking it.  There are no expectations of  return.  The latter is an act that I do for love and attention.  When it's not received well or received at all, I feel hurt and rejected.

Once upon a time, he told me his favorite pie was blackberry pie.  His birthday rolled around.  I invited a few close friends for dinner.  I made blackberry pie and a plate full of brownies for dessert.  He told me he didn't like cake. 

A long-time friend of his passed by the pie and smiled, "It's his favorite!" she whispered in my ear. 

"I know!"  I replied.

After dinner, dessert was self-serve.  Friends who tried the pie raved about it.  He never touched it.  Later I commented, "I thought blackberry pie was your favorite.  You didn't even try it."

"I said raspberry,"  he replied.

Something twisted in my chest.

At the next dinner, I made red raspberry pie for dessert.  Again, he didn't eat the pie.  I asked, "Didn't you say you liked raspberry pie?"

"Black raspberry," was the answer.

That thing in my chest took a deeper turn.

For the next holiday dinner, another family member made cherry pie.  He ate a piece and raved how it was the perfect combination of sweet and sour.  He even saved a piece for later. 

That thing in my chest burrowed out of sight.

I wish I could tell you that I rose above myself.  I wish I could tell you that I stopped baking pies for his approval, out of love for him and baked pies for the sheer love of baking but I didn't.  I just stopped baking pies.

That was years ago.  Now looking back I can see that I was baking pies as love offerings in the hopes of receiving love and attention in return.  And, I can see how sad it is that he couldn't receive the gift of my pies.

What do you do for love and attention?  Is there something burrowed in your heart?



Photo by Dustin J. Williams on Flickr.com

I read a lot.  I was recently asked if I knew how many books I owned.  "A lot?"  I answered meekly.  "10 boxes.  You have 10 boxes of books.  Albeit they're small boxes that weigh a ton but there's 10 of them." I don't read fiction very often.  I read non-fiction.  I think it's stems from my deep desire to learn and grow.  If the book is so-so, I only own it in one format.  But if the books is good, I own it in three formats audio, hard copy, and digital formats.  A little OCD I know but it works for me. Then there are books like Brene Brown's book, The Gifts of Imperfection - books that I study.  Books that I highlight, write notes in the margins, take notes and go back to them again and again.  Books that send me back into the crucible of self-searching and the flames of self-awareness. Have you read it?  If so, what are your thoughts? What books have lit you up and made you look a little deeper into yourself?

Thanksgiving triggered the deepest sadness in my heart.  I chose to move almost 3000 miles away from home.  I chose to leave my husband.  Even so being apart from those I love and seeing photos on Facebook rip open my still infected heart.  Until yesterday, I was filled with conflicting thoughts, regrets, remorse and resentments aka as angst over the decision I made and the events that led up to that decision. 

On good days, I can think myself into better feeling thoughts.  On bad days, I must act my way into better feeling thoughts.  Only after sufficiently torturing myself did I ask for wisdom and a new opportunity to be of service.  My asking was answered.

It began in the afternoon when a friend came to the spa for a massage and a talk. During our massage session, we laughed and talked and coached each other into a better frame of mind.  She recently visited my apartment and said I had "Pixie-ized" it that it had good energy.

Another friend, who is moving after a disappointing job opportunity, clearly needed support after a highly emotional day.  I invited her to come over last night since she found my space soothing.  She agreed.  As a little added treat, I baked chocolate chip cookies.  I don't know what the cookies do for anyone else but baking them is healing for me.  I silently laughed at myself while I baked the cookies.  When I don't know what else to do to help you, I'll feed you.

Late in the evening, my phone rang.  It was a third friend.  She was looking for a safe place to stay for the evening to escape some serious conflict at home.  She ate a few cookies and went to bed.

I took one friend home and returned to my apartment past midnight feeling the deepest gratitude.  I was grateful for my apartment.  I was grateful for making it a safe and soothing place where my friends can come when they need cookies and comfort.  I was grateful for being the nurturer that I am.  I was grateful for Dharma who is just as loving and healing as any dog can be.  I was grateful that I could just say, "come over" without asking permission or worrying about being growled at.  I was grateful for my life's experiences and pain that helps me feel empathy and compassion for others.  I was grateful for my life.

What do yo do when you're negative thinking is hurting you?