Last night Nora Ephron was at Third Place Books in Lake Forest Park to give a talk and sign her latest book, Things I Don't remember.

Nora is best known for her novel, Heartburn, and her screenplays for box office hits like When Harry Met Sally, Sleepless in Seattle and Silkwood.

For an hour two friends and I listened as Nora talked about her history and craft as a writer.  She spoke without a script.  I like that.  I like when you just talk to me and tell me your story.  She told funny stories about the collaboration that took place to create the orgasm scene in When Harry Met Sally.  She shared that she wasn't prepared for growing old.  In her book, I Remember Nothing, she tries to tell her truth about aging.

After Nora talked, there was a question & answer session.  She displayed the same understated quick wit in her impromptu answers as she does in her screen plays.  One person stood and said, "I have a compliment, a question, and a suggestion." 

Nora replied, "Please don't tell me to cut my bangs."

Another person asked, "What do you read?"

She answered, "I read a hug amount.  This is a way to avoid writing.  I even read the first chapter of George Bush's book . . . . I don't recommend it.  My book was called I Remember Nothing and George Bush's book could be called I Remember Nothing.

sss

A couple of weeks ago, a friend and I decided to try hot yoga.  After hearing my friend's enthusiastic tales of her friends' losing weight, being fit and having amazing skin, I thought it might be something I would like.  I don't need to lose weight, be more fit or have better skin but I would like to be more flexible.  Playing soccer is not conducive to flexibility.

We decided to try Bikram Yoga in Bellevue because they offered a week's worth of hot yoga for $20.00.  I carefully read the instructions for First Timers that discussed when to arrive, what to wear, to hydrate and to not leave the room if you're feeling light headed or nauseous.  The "light headed or nauseous" part made me a little nervous.

The facility is nice really; set in an office park off of 120th street in Bellevue near my beloved Whole Foods.  It's nicely decorated with a welcome desk where you're greeted and given an intake form to fill out.  If you don't have your own mat or towel, you can rent one.  There is a peculiar smell as you walk in the door.  It wasn't until later I recognized it as the faint, deodorized smell of sweaty bodies & equipment.

There's nothing like torturing your body in a room heated to 105 degrees with 50% humidity.  As newcomers we were encouraged to be toward the back of the room so we could clearly view the more experienced students in the front.  For 90 minutes (yes! 90 minutes), the instructor quickly went through a series of 26 poses, each of them held for 90 seconds.

With sweat dripping from every pore of my body, I did my best to twist myself into a pretzel, hold the pose for the required time and not bolt from the room.  It was a humbling experience.   I could not do many of the poses either from lack of flexibility or from the ACL reconstruction on my left knee.  For every pose that I could not do, I gratefully sat quietly

There were long moments when my mind screamed, "WHAT AM I DOING HERE????!!!!"  And other moments when I thought, "Am I going to die?"  Followed by, "No one ever died from doing yoga.  No one ever died from doing yoga . . . "

At the end of 90 minutes my friend and I changed our clothes, got in my car, and drove silently back to her apartment.  My brain felt numb.  We usually talk the entire time we're together, but after hot yoga we were speechless.  It took a shower and food to jump start my brain back into speech.

When I compared the pros and cons of the experience, the only pro that I could find is that my skin did, indeed, look amazing from the sweating and the heat.  When I shared that with someone, he said, "Go to a sauna!" 

I can see where hot yoga can be really beneficial for:

• arthritis
• fibromyalgia
• increasing flexibility
• sweating out toxins
• losing weight
• providing a challenging workout
• improving concentration
• boosting your immune system
• disciplining your mind into controlling your body

 I kept promising myself that I would try it 2-3 more times before I gave up but that day hasn't come yet.  Until then, I'll just have to settle for the sauna.

"You are not a helpless victim of your body," has been the theme recently with my massage therapy and coaching clients.

Time and time again clients appear with muscle tension running down their necks, across the tops of their shoulders and into the middle of their backs.  If they don't find relief from that tension, they also suffer from headaches.

While some therapists use deep tissue massage to work out the knots, I prefer to use a combination of both massage and mind/body therapy to help relieve muscle tension.  While I manually, mechanically work on the muscle from the outside, the client focuses mentally to relax the muscle from the inside.

There are people who immediately grasp the idea.  There are those who reject it entirely.

I teach that it doesn't take all that much effort to mentally relax a muscle.  It takes focus and thought.  The thought could be as simple as, "I'm relaxing my shoulder."  I have actually felt the muscle twitch or relax beneath my hand when the client begins thinking about relaxing!  Not only does that internal thought and focus enhance the effect of the massage, it also gives the client a feeling of empowerment, being in control of her body -  if she wants it.  

Believe it or not, there are those who don't want.

Have you ever found yourself in an argument, scrambling to defend yourself?  And then the harder you defend your position, the more ground you lose?  There are three powerful phrases that you can use to counter the attack and diffuse the argument.

OKAY.  Saying "okay" to something is not agreement.  It's not saying, "Yes, you're right, I'm totally inept and should have done what you wanted."  Okay is simply an acknowledgment that you've heard what was said.  If someone continues to argue his position and you continue to say "okay," eventually the energy of the conflict will fizzle out. 

YOU MAY BE RIGHT.  Saying "you may be right" is not agreement either.  The unspoken finish to that sentences is "and you may be wrong."  "You may be right" is just another acknowledgment.  It reminds of a standard answer used in the legal world when answering questions in writing:  "Defendant neither admits or denies the allegations as set forth in the Complaint."

THANKS FOR SHARING THAT WITH ME.  Again, "thanks for sharing that with me" says that you've heard the opinion that the other person has felt compelled to share. 

The key to using any one of these phrases is to repeat them.  Do not go beyond them.  Don't add any extra words.  Looking for an argument is like fishing.  A good fisherman knows the type of fish he wants to catch.  He knows what kind of bait the fish likes to bite on.  He know that if the first bait he throws into the water doesn't work that he can change the bait.  Good fisherman change the bait on the hook until he finds something the fish will bite.  

If you go beyond those simple phrases, you're hooked and you will find yourself being reeled into a conflict that you want to avoid.

Earlier in the week, I spent a few hours with Diane O'Dell of BodyPuzzle in Issaquah, Washington to experience Gyrotonics, a system of fluid movement that creates increased strength and flexibility in the body.

Diane is an excellent teacher.  She demonstrated movements using a Pulley Tower and bench system fitted with weights and pulleys then allowed me to experience them myself.  Diane carefully adjusted my body position and discussed the proper placement and, more importantly, the feel of the movement.

I went through a series of fluid spiral movements with my upper limbs, lower limbs and torso.  Each movement had accompanying breath and eye focus to help with balance and energy.  The movements reminded me of tai chi and yoga.  Diane commented on my "body awareness" because I moved my arms without my shoulders rising to my ears.

Some of the conditions that I could see benefiting from Gyrotonics are:

• joint injuries
• arthritis
• fibromyalgia
• sports injuries
• strengthening
• flexibililty

If you're interested in a gentle, fluid expercise system with personal instruction, contact  Diane@bodypuzzle.com.

I love this. I loved the movie, What the Bleep Do We Know. It excites me to think that I can create my own reality, my life and that I am responsible. It takes me off the victim seat and puts me in the driver's seat of my own life.

Walking a resume into a Starbucks sounds like a simple task but eight months ago it was enough to send me into a full blown panic attack.  My self-esteem was in the shitter.  I didn't drive almost 3,000 miles across country because I felt loved and wanted at home.   In Seattle though, the only thing running me down were the voices in my head.  My only obstacle was me.


I drove across county with the running thoughts of, "My husband doesn't love  My husband doesn't want me."  Even though I was the one who left, my belief was that I was bad.  There is something terribly wrong with me.  No one wants me.


The first day I meant to introduce myself at the local Starbucks, I dressed, grabbed 10 resumes, and got into my car to drive to town.  As I walked out the door, anxiety began silently gnawing at my stomach.  It chewed its way up into my chest until I was so distracted, I ran a red light and almost hit a pedestrian.  Thankfully, I was driving very, very slowly.  The woman in the crosswalk glared at me and hurried across the street.

By the time I parked the car, a full blown panic attack loomed.  I sat in my car for a moment taking deep breaths and reassuring myself that I could go home if I gave out just one resume.


The manager wasn't available at the Starbucks I visited.  I only had to shake hands and chat with a barrista.  The actual meeting was easy.  No one told me to go away.  No one rejected me.  I didn't die.  I was okay but the thought of doing it again overwhelmed me.  I congratulated  myself on having courage in the face of my fear and went home.  My goal for the next day was to do the same thing.

Have you suffered anxiety at the thought of an interview, a face-to-face meeting while job hunting?  How has that fear blocked your success?

• What are you afraid of?  
  
• Can you resize your objectives or goals?
  
• What can you do today?
• What method can you use to ease the physical feeling of fear?
• Where can you find support?
• What thoughts activate the fear?
• What are opposite thoughts?
• Are you applying for a job that you really want?
• Will you love it?
• Do you love or at least respect the products or services?

Photo by Dimitri N on Flickr.com.

In the past 5 years, I submitted dozens and dozens of resumes in an attempt to return to the legal world as a legal assistant.  My motivation was money.  In the three months before I left Ohio, that number increased.  Out of all the applications and resumes, only one call came.  It was a call, not a job offer.


It took me a month or so to settle down emotionally to even begin looking for work after I arrived on the west coast.  The prime motivator was fear.  In a flurry of activity, I spent hours scouring he job sites for the Seattle area, looking for work in an office environment.  I didn't want to return to the legal world, so I applied for any place that was looking for an administrative assistant.  Each ad I answered contained words like - self starter, fast paced, career, motivated, multi-tasking, team player . . . all the lingo associated with finding just the right employee for the position. 

I received some very nice thank you for submitting your application emails but no job offers; not even an invitation to interview.  My anxiety mounted.

And then I stopped.


The truth was that I didn't want to return to an office environment, sitting at a desk all day.  I didn't want a career in an energy corporation; all I wanted was a part-time job to cover my expenses while I was waiting for my Washington state massage therapy license.  I was willing to wait tables, sell coffee, be a cashier, whatever it took on a temporary basis and I  wanted to work with products or services that I loved.  The companies that I loved that would offer part-time jobs was a short list:

• Starbucks
• Whole Foods
• Panera Bread
• White House|Black Market

I immediately applied to those places on-line.  A few days later (at the advice of my son), I printed out some resumes with the intention of showing up in person and introducing myself.   Little did I know how difficult that would be.


If you're job hunting, I invite you to search for your truth about that process by asking yourself a few questions:

• Am I applying for jobs that I want?
• Is my career really what I want to do?
• Is fear my motivating factor?
• Do I believe that jobs are scarce?

What is life coaching really?  What do I do with my clients?

Too many times we feel stuck in our lives; at a point of transition without the momentum to go forward; or, brimming with potential but no idea how to implement it.  Life coaching, with me, is about creating a crack in your consciousness to allow a small shift in perception that opens the door to new possibilities.

When asked what I do, I answer, "I help people recover their personal power during times of change or crisis."  

The truth is I do more than that.  Through intuitive listening, asking the right questions and telling stories, I help my clients create a shift in their energy that gives them a boost toward the direction they want t
to go.  I help them slow down the hamster wheel of circular thinking that keeps them trapped.  I help them get a glimmer of hope they might feel better in their bodies and their hearts, do better in their careers and relationships, and live a more fulfilling and satisfying life.

How do you feel in you body today?  In your job?  In your relationships?  In your life?


Photo by Twenty Questions on Flickr.com